Unseen Academicals

Terry Pratchett dedicates the final installment of the Rincewind subseries of his Discworld franchise to Rob Wilkins, who typed most of it and retained his sense of humor, and to Colin Smythe for his encouragement. He also indicates the chant of goddess Pedestriana is a parody of the poem “Brahma” by Ralph Waldo Emerson. The action opens with Rudolph Scattering working in Ankh-Morpork’s Royal Art Museum, with mention lectrology is the study of the bed and its surroundings, one of the main characters, Mr. Nutt, being seven before he discovered that sleeping actually involved the bed.

A major event that occurs early on in the story is the hunt for a chaotic bird known as the megapode, with food trolleys afterward entering Unseen University. Another major character is Glenda, who works with Juliet in the Night Kitchen, with the two involved in a dwarven fashion show that earns the former the alias Jewels. The primary focus of the novel is the preparation to play football (soccer) or “foot-the-ball” as it’s sometimes referred to, with the game initially confined to the city’s backstreets. Ridcully indicates that his grandfather was a prizefighter, and wants Unseen University to play football again.

Juliet professes her love to Trevor Likely, or Trev, with mention that dwarfs don’t care much for football, and Trev reluctant to participate in the sport himself. The Patrician of Ankh-Morpork indicates his interest in football and anticipates the revival of the sporting tradition, with food being a major draw. Some people, however, find football dull, such as the Chair of Indefinite Studies, and some of the adverse effects of the game are feared, such as potential riots, one of which Trev gets caught in. Nutt occasionally provides poetry for Trev, tailoring it for Juliet in their fledgling romance.

The last Rincewind novel occasionally touches on dwarven mythos, with mention that even the females have beards. Football practice and discussion of its rules eventually comes about, with the suggestion that prospective players watch a ballet so that they can pick up some techniques. Meanwhile, Rhys, the Low King of the Dwarfs, is particularly attentive to the mystery girl Jewels about whom he reads in the newspapers, and it is also mentioned that dwarfs typically don’t need shoes, given the thickness of their soles. Newspapers ultimately mention the disappearance of Jewels, to Glenda’s amusement.

A banquet celebrating football is held, with Lord Vetinari, who usually doesn’t drink alcohol, breaking his vows and doing so, and offers that the drunken Swithin be taken home. Vetinari occasionally asks advice of his secretary Drumknott, who has a fondness for paperclips. Glenda, in the meanwhile, readies food for the game such as crabs, which she raises herself, and Nutt is suspected to be a goblin. Fear of a man-eating orc ultimately comes about, and Nutt goes missing for some time, with Juliet professing her love for the candle maintainer.

The day of the game arrives, with the City Watch protecting Lord Vetinari, Trev going to the Hippo hosting the match, peace between dwarfs and trolls promised, Lady Margolotta presenting the Patrician with pie, and Nutt believing he would do well in the sport. A character named Pepe plays a minor role in the narrative, and says everyone wants to meet the enigmatic Jewels. It is promised that the wizards won’t utilize magic in the game, a promise fulfilled, and after all is said and done, Nutt makes it a point to go into the Far Uberwald, and it’s suggested citizens stay indoors after the football match.

Overall, the last Discworld novel in the Rincewind subseries definitely has its moments, given its occasional self-aware humor such as mentions towards the end of the text asking readers if they think the story is over, although as with other books in the franchise, divisions into actual numbered chapters would have been welcome. The humor, moreover, will only certainly appeal to particular audiences, with soccer enthusiasts likely being the ones to get the most out of the book. Regardless, it’s a worthwhile, unorthodox fantasy story, and definitely deserves a read from those who liked other entries of the late Sir Pratchett’s daunting literary franchise.